Fat-Guy #Fitbit Friday #1: By Dirk Fender

Fat-Guy #Fitbit Friday #1: 

By Dirk Fender

Pre Fitbit Crunch Day:

So it's Friday already. I concluded my last Fibit article by stating that today I would walk out my 10 k step goal while pushing my bike, and then ride back home, all this after I have done my "Floors" for the daily goal Fitbit sets. That's 10 floors ascending.You don't get "floors" added to your stats for going down.

Truth is, I'm dragging. I'm tired. I worked hard this week and have racked up like 74 k steps of the 70 k goal already. I'm down 8 floors for the week though, which is doable. I'll add them in today.

Fitbit sends users encouraging emails.

I've eaten a Chocolate Brownie Cliff Bar and Dannon Oiko's Greek (raspberry) Yogurt and am just about to take a shower, get dressed and go.The initial plan was to take food along. I decided to take my wallet instead. It will be interesting to see how the real world, and practical food choices will figure into my fitness experiment while I get my nutrition on the go. I should mention here that I have not made an entire shift to "a healthy diet." I am simply eating less of my normal foods, while cutting out as much soda, beer, and as many high calorie snacks as I can.

I'm going to break my stats down at the end of my article, so I'm off for now... In addition to using the Fitbit App, I will also utilize the excellent Strava App, it's for running and cycling, but it will trace my entire route and give an accurate total for the miles and mph I travel.

Well, it's now or never -wish me luck.

10 k step/bike trip:

Around 10:30 I was stoked to get underway. Plans change. My girlfriend called and said she'd be home for a little while before she went to have her taxes done.Starting my Strava app, I decided to climb the floors on my apartment building  until I made up for the Fitbit recommended floor climbing I missed throughout the week. I wanted to get my medal and see my girlfriend. I climbed 18 floors, and for doing so, I got a champ medal. Climbing up and down that many flights was actually kind of demanding.

I hung out with my girlfriend until 11:09, but then she started looking rather hot and I knew that I would soon choose to ravish her and just laze about afterwards all day and not go get that 10 k. So I bucked up, gathered my stuff, gave her a kiss and went out to face the cruel Fitbit-tinged nightmare I'd schemed.

I flicked on my Strava App and set out. I was kinda getting a late start. I walked to Quiktrip and bought a Gatorade. That possibility of adventure had awakened my dormant traveler. I was on the roam, and better yet -I wanted to roam. That's cool, not letting the couch, or in my case Lovesack (a giant bag that looks like a bean bag chair but is fulled with memory foam) win. Nope, slithery behaviors aside, I was determined to do at least one thing wholesome. I was out there dammit -giving this shit a whirl. I felt like a bloated badass. Lookout world, a fat guy with nothing better to do than trudge his Fitbit-recommended 10 k steps is on the loose.

I'd be pushing my bike for roughly 5 miles and then riding said bike home. This first mile went by faster than my first sexual experience did. I thought I was cooler than the Fonz. But let's get real, when I started this Fitbit thing, like only 5 days ago, I weighed in at 255 pounds. I'm a human balloon. That's the real of it.

Part of the reason I'd gone to Quiktrip was to check my tires, but then I realized the air was fine. As I was pushing the thing though, somewhere after that giddy first mile, I noticed the back brake was rubbing the rim (side note: I need new tires, these are threadbare in spots). I stopped five or six times to try and adjust it, but the rubbing ultimately made pushing the bike a slow go. I just unfastened it (another side note: must fix back brake).

I stopped for a brief break at 3921 steps. At that point my flannel shirt was warm, so I took it off and slung it over my bicycle handlebars. This was at 12:12 PM. A furiously fatter guy than me passed me on some strange low-riding 3 wheel motorbike that looked like a kid's toy. He just barreled down the sidewalk, not watching out for me at all. What a fuck-face, he almost ran me down. My fat cells were screaming out rationalizations.

Uh, Hell yeah

"Look at that fat ass," they said, "you aren't as disgusting as that goon..."

I made my brain shut up. I was getting cranky. I probably should have eaten a better meal before leaving. I felt it later too.

Around 6220 steps I passed this stuck up girl who acted all creeped-out by a guy pushing a fully functional bike while walking down the street grinning because Conan had just slain a lesser Cosak on the audiobook I was listening to. Man, audiobooks are great for stuff like this absurd 10 k step/ride experiment. Shortly after passing that girl I went into Walgreen's and got myself some shades.

At 12:26 PM the sun shone through a cloudy sky, and a cool breeze invigorated me, despite how tired I'd gotten. When I reached 7227 steps, I paused at a Circle K. Buying Gatorade yet again and also a Special K Protein bar:, I started back.

I hit 10 k steps soon thereafter. I felt as awesome as Batman, for 1.1 seconds and then became annoyed that the Fitbit thing was vibrating for longer than the thrill lasted.

Fitbit sent me this other encouraging email.

I would get the remainder of my steps with little issue; winding up with an actual total of 11,210 steps. That's around 5.29 miles according to Fitbit: and not too unreliable, as my Strava App, (which I turned off while I hung with my girlfriend) noted the whole trip to be 5.2 miles, and the Fitbit had kept tracking when Strava was off.

Cool.

The Fitbit says I have burned 2,968 calories so far today, walked 5.29 miles climbed 18 floors, had 7:17 hrs of sleep last night, with 2x waking and 23 restless moments and the Strava App says the 10 k event took me 1:45:02 in duration over 5.3 miles, with an average speed of 3.1 miles per hour. I know -too slow Joe. At least maybe the effort I expended will matter down the road, when I'm staring down the gaping maw of Fitbit Hell, while pushing myself to possibly worthless and undeniably obsessive extremes. I'm Dirk - it's what I do.

I wore normal clothes for this walk, because I was interested to see what this kind of walk looked like. I wanted to somewhat mimic a normal foot commuter's day. I probably blew that. 5 miles does feel kind of far.

One of the things I did going into this was to have like 4 beers the prior night and eat carrot cake, roast beef, and other delicious stuff, like I was running a marathon or something. "i'll burn it all off," I had reasoned. At the end of this workout I had burned twice the calories as I took in Thursday night. Wouldn't matter anyway -I was still under Fitbit's recommended calories by much more than their -750 deficit recommendation last night and all week long anyways.

Does Dirk recommend the Fitbit yet?

Maybe.

I'm going to give it a month and let you know. Hopefully you got something from this -I might have. At least I got tired from actually doing something and was unafraid to try and change my wicked ways.

Until later,

Dirk (Fat-man) Fender

Dirk's week one weigh in:

Sunday: 255
Friday- post 10 k step/bike event: 254

Sun-Friday Stats;
85, 339! 
That's 15,339 STEPS over Fitbit's actual goal of 70 k.

Also from Primal Publications available on Kindle and in print:

This is a very real account of a young woman's journey of self-discovery. Lynn gives you a summary of her life thus far and shares several of her own journal entries. She speaks about her lifelong struggle with depression and learning to cope through therapy, pills, and writing. She talks about her family, searching for her purpose in life, and her quest in finding and trusting God.

Buy Lynn on Life Here.

#Fitbit is it the Shiznit?

#Fitbit -Is It The Shiznit? 

By Dirk Fender

Hello everyone. 

Dirk Fender coming to you live; er in delayed print actually -to talk about something other than Retail Hell. I'm going to talk about my new device, a Fitbit Charge Hr in a short run of articles.

Yep, I'm bored so I'm going to test this bugger out. I've gotten myself in a pickle with my weight, and need to be more active. 

So here I sit, with a Fitbit on my wrist. 

Here are some random things about my Fitbit band:

As far as the way it fits, that's fine. I don't like the band much. It's functional -but while I'm working hard at my real life retail gig, the band causes me to sweat and that irritates me.I'm also allergic to certain metal and latex, so this thing is scary close to giving me a rash. Not going to lie here, that's shitty. A cloth or leather band would have been nicer, and I mean out of the box. I don't want to buy extra stuff when the jury is still out on this Fitbit thing. Okay, most of the appeal of the Fitbit for me is the idea that I can record my activities and get real time stats about those activities. I don't give a rip about sleep stats, but this thing says I only sleep like 2.3 hours a night. No wonder I feel like I'm in a fucking comma everyday. I mean, I guess this is a cool stat, but you can't even record how many pushups you did. Instead of being able to record your repetitions while weight training or whatever, you are stuck having to time the "activity." Lame. But kinda fucking stellar too. Have you ever wondered how many calories you burn while having sex? You can track that stat. It's awesome, you can even see your heart rate... if  the clunky-assed Fitbit App actually loads. The Fitbit App glitches on my iPhone 5. My iPhone 5 usually runs apps real well, like Strava, and My Fitness Pal. Those are great apps by the way, and easy to use. The Fitbit app makes me reboot my phone often to enter in data, freezes, and won't let me sign out. I like the concept, but I hate the app. Based on the crappy performance of their app, I'd rather be flayed to death than pay them $50 for more headaches their "perfomance app" probably would bring me. 

I wreck the Fitbit's 10 k step goal daily. I have to go slightly out of the way to get the floors though. I've added a couple weak attempts at extra exercise, and I've mostly cut out soda, beer and all that stuff. I did have one Mickey's draft and a Dr. Pepper. I still fell well below that 750 daily caloric deficit Fitbit recommends so that I lose weight. I am even way below that their lowest number, but the web app and phone apps both seem to be telling me: "Eat Dirk, you can. You'll still lose that lard ass, but you can eat more. You should Dirk. Fucking eat more. Have three beers... steak Dirk -fucking steak." So i'm not playing the eat more game. They say I'm walking 7 miles a day, biking a couple times a week, and screwing my girlfriend a lot, so I am active. I say bullshit. My body is used to my daily activity. It doesn't give a toss about my Fitbit. Nope, my body is conditioned to do the work it does, I'm not going to lose weight by eating 5000 calories a day... but who knows?

So, according to the app I have walked almost 61k steps of a weekly goal of 70k steps in my first four days. Sound like a lot?  Trust me, I'm not doing much more in this first week than working my job. I'm watching my calories, and doing more exercise than the nothing I was doing when I'm off work. I'm not doing the insanity workout or anything hardcore -that's well, insane. Nope.

So I have three days off coming on Friday. I was thinking about getting my 10 k steps anyhow, to finish out with like more than 100 k for the week. I'll do a test-run on Friday to see how long it takes to enact my insane plan. I'm going to do those 10k steps -my ten floors first (one of Fitbit's challenges is to climb 10 floors daily) and then I'm going to walk it, while pushing my bike. I'll ride my bike back home when I reach the 10k goal. Then I'll tell you about my walk/ride and tell you if I weigh lighter after the first week.. 

Cool? 

Deal, 

I'll see you then,

Dirk Fender

email @ DirkFenderlive@gmail.com 

Buy Six Pack 

Six Pack: Episodes 1-6 
Explore the wild world through the eyes of a Mid-thirties retail clerk. 

Episode 1: Peter gets himself into a pickle with a cashier and shoplifter, plus a few other gals. 

Ep. 2 Damsels:the de-pickler. 

Peter's perplexing pickle is resolved with the gals, in a roundabout way. 

In Ep 3: After his triumph in EP 2, Peter has to cover a shift at guest service... stuff happens. 

EP 4: Days melt into the raunchy & bizarre as Peter's date with Starla goes awry. 

Can sex and drugs lead to a promotion? Possibly Peter's luck is changing. Or not. 

Step inside the life of a once ordinary- but now turned head-cheese, retail employee. Ep5: Peter sets new store standards as he steps into manager, while trying to avoid doing things Dickie's way. A cousin's- cousin or something helps him accomplish his dream of growing green to earn green. Operation Gang Green is born... more happens. some funny things. You should probably check it out. It's free on Kindle Unlimited. 

Ep. 6 Can Peter win out over Dickie, Halloween, harvest, and Red Sonja? Hard to tell. You better read this one to find out.